Since you only see Splitpaw, I'm guessing you may have the region set to EU ...when you run the launcher, look in the top Left corner, and see what version you are, and change it to US perhaps?
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Things I sometimes play...
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a unicorn!"
"Awww, why's that?"........
"So I can stab people with my face."