The sun rises slowly over the Island of Refugee's. A ray of light pierces through a window in Malvonicus's tower's basment.
Emalio, who has fallen asleep at the alchemy table stirs sligtly as the light enters the room. His head starts to lift off the table, his dark black, and silver hair is all mussed up from sleeping at the bench.
"I must have inhaled too many fumes last night making potions, my head is killing me" he mumbles as he heads to the stairs. The room is flooded by light as he lifts up the trap door.
Assistant Dreak glares at Emalio as he comes out of the basement. "I suppose you made a huge mess down there again? Now I need to get some refugees to clean it up."
"Its not that bad, besides its not like you ever clean it when you mess it up." Emalio replies as he walks out of the tower.
'What should I do today?' he thinks as he walks towards the main gates. As he approaches the stairs a young brown haired human approaches him.
"please help me kind sir" she say quietly.
"I will do what I can m'lady" Emalio says with a gentle smile.
She blushes bright red, "Please, call me Nonette, I am having retrieving my spirit shards, some bad goblins have taken them from me, and wont give them back"
"I will help you, you neednt lift a finger against them, I will take care of them for you"
"Thank you so much..."
"Emalio, the names Emalio"
"Thank you Emalio, the goblins are this way"
The two start up the goblin path to recover Nonette's spirit shards. many goblins walk by them quietly, but none dare to attack the two.
They continue to walk the path until they get to the brute camps, ahead in the distance a goblin brute start walking towards the two.
"get back Nonette, I will handle this" Emalio says as he steps infront of her.
"&*$&$ @!*#@ *&^$#" sreams the goblin as he runs towards Emalio.
He grins sligtly as he pulls his ball and chain off his back, he swings it hard and crushes the gob right in the chest, as it fly's backwards Emalio lifts one hand and begins to mumble. The goblin slams aganst the ground and starts to stand back up. Suddenly a heavenly bolt smites the goblin where it stood. Emalio places his weapon back on his back and turns to Nonette and says "There we go, the path is clear"
"Wow, how strong are you" Nonette asks as she smiles warmley at Emalio.
He places he hands together and a soft blue glow radiates from his hands, his hands seperate and he starts to draw runes in the air. Both thier bodies begin to glow as they are both filled with courage. "I am strong enough." he says.
Nonette smilea at Emalio and begins to blush, she shakes her head and says "OH my shards.. there beyond the goblin camp near the water fall."
"ok then just follow me Nonette, I will get you there safely." he says as he starts walking up the path, when they get to the gob camp Emalio says "This way, we go around the back of it, they wont notice us there."
They swiftly and quietly run behind the camp and towards the first waterfall.
"One of them is at the second water fall" she says, "but its guarded by a mean ghost pirate."
"Rockbelly's up to his regular tricks again i see. I will take care of him for good this time."
To be continued....
tell me what you think so far.. i have the rest of the story (based on truth) but will write more later.
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An interesting storyFollow
I like it and would like to see more.
One thing, I'd go back and edit it to make the female character more of a "charcter" and less of an old fashioned "weak female". She can still like the hero, of course, but she's so weak she's sort of... wel, imo it hurts. But it is easily remedied. Think "what would a RL female like to see in a character" - remember, real women are reading this. And they generally don't like to see women portrayed this way (and some are even insulted). She doesn't have to be ridiculously "butch", either. Just "real".
You may want to add more details, at least a few. Talk about sneaking past goblins camps to get there - a few more details of the combat - perhaps add more drama and make the fight appear to go the goblin's way a while - I dunno. Do the goblins smell bad? What sounds do they make? What about their pet wolves? etc.
I hope that helps. I really don't mean to be harsh and hope I don't sound that way. It's a good start, and again, I would like to see more. Know that writing is really, really hard - when you read a published novel, it often took someone *years* of hard work to get their writing to that level. Have you read Eragon? A kid wrote it. It's okay, but you can tell he's not an experienced writer. He'll only get better over the years, though, provided he cares about his craft. And you should, too, if it's worth it to you. Care about your craft, nurture it - learn all you can - read lots. Well, I hope I didn't go overboard. I have a bad habit of doing that. GL and do post the rest of it!
One thing, I'd go back and edit it to make the female character more of a "charcter" and less of an old fashioned "weak female". She can still like the hero, of course, but she's so weak she's sort of... wel, imo it hurts. But it is easily remedied. Think "what would a RL female like to see in a character" - remember, real women are reading this. And they generally don't like to see women portrayed this way (and some are even insulted). She doesn't have to be ridiculously "butch", either. Just "real".
You may want to add more details, at least a few. Talk about sneaking past goblins camps to get there - a few more details of the combat - perhaps add more drama and make the fight appear to go the goblin's way a while - I dunno. Do the goblins smell bad? What sounds do they make? What about their pet wolves? etc.
I hope that helps. I really don't mean to be harsh and hope I don't sound that way. It's a good start, and again, I would like to see more. Know that writing is really, really hard - when you read a published novel, it often took someone *years* of hard work to get their writing to that level. Have you read Eragon? A kid wrote it. It's okay, but you can tell he's not an experienced writer. He'll only get better over the years, though, provided he cares about his craft. And you should, too, if it's worth it to you. Care about your craft, nurture it - learn all you can - read lots. Well, I hope I didn't go overboard. I have a bad habit of doing that. GL and do post the rest of it!
Great story =)
I’m a big sucker for short stories, big fan of the old twilight zone for that reason. I look forward to seeing part 2 of the story. Also waiting for Evil Gnomes to write a book (Great story teller) *taps foot =)
I’m a big sucker for short stories, big fan of the old twilight zone for that reason. I look forward to seeing part 2 of the story. Also waiting for Evil Gnomes to write a book (Great story teller) *taps foot =)
Great story =)
I’m a big sucker for short stories, big fan of the old twilight zone for that reason. I look forward to seeing part 2 of the story. Also waiting for Evil Gnomes to write a book (Great story teller) *taps foot =)
I’m a big sucker for short stories, big fan of the old twilight zone for that reason. I look forward to seeing part 2 of the story. Also waiting for Evil Gnomes to write a book (Great story teller) *taps foot =)
Eek, pressure! 
JK 
Okay, I'll give it a shot. But atm work is eating me alive, and we have kids. So time is a fairly precious commodity right now. Thx though
And to the original poster - I liked how your character smarted off at Dreak - and how you started the story waking up in the lab. Sorry if I critiqued too heavily on the female character stuff... it must be a drag to hear that from me. I think you are off to a really good start. Just finish what you had in mind and don't worry about what I said. Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. But please don't let me be a wet blanket and stop you from working on it. You're onto a good idea there!
JK 
Okay, I'll give it a shot. But atm work is eating me alive, and we have kids. So time is a fairly precious commodity right now. Thx though
And to the original poster - I liked how your character smarted off at Dreak - and how you started the story waking up in the lab. Sorry if I critiqued too heavily on the female character stuff... it must be a drag to hear that from me. I think you are off to a really good start. Just finish what you had in mind and don't worry about what I said. Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. But please don't let me be a wet blanket and stop you from working on it. You're onto a good idea there!
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