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everyone has these absurdly high item levels and I just got to 50 a day ago.
Actually everyone goes through a gear change at 50. You are just hitting that first step now where you do need to start getting better armor if you want to continue. There are new dungeon armors now for i60 and i70, that once you start running those few (as mentioned already), you will start getting better gear for yourself.
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honestly don't even see the point in attempting to try endgame because most people refuse to work with new players. I went into ifrit hard mode and it was plain annoying because my health is like 2800 meaning I couldn't miss a single step while everyone else could just take the hits like they were nothing. hell even the unavoidable one wrecked me.
This again, is going to change when you start getting better gear. Even some or all of the Grand Company items should be i55 and get you a lot more health. A brand new 50 has no place really going into primals right away, unless maybe as dps. Even then. You Must Learn The Dance. Each boss has a set pattern of tactics to avoid and once you know the pattern, you can easily do Ifrit without getting hit once (expect maybe an unlucky eruption).
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should I just wait until the next expansion? I like the game but since no one really wants to deal with new players I might as well quit. No I don't want a carry I don't want to be in a group where everyone can say ***** the rules and stand in the red or blue area of death
No. If you wait. You will just be farther behind. The expansion will likely add more story line, and if you dont have the base story line done, then there won't be much (if anything) for you do in the expansion, with the exception of a few side quests at best.
What class are you? If you are a tank, then it's going to be hard but you'll need to get geared up to progress. If you are a healer, it could just take better mana management, and learning to avoid aoe's. If you are a DPS, try to get a better weapon, and raise some of your stats so you have more damage and health to help you out a little bit.
Really there is not one 'best' way to gear once you hit 50, there are a few more options in the game now then there were at release so you just need to figure out an appropriate path, and how you want to set out on it.