A Crtical Examination of the Peculiar Creature Called FFXIerFollow

I know it is passe' to poke the moogle, but I have recently completed an objective and unbiased critique and examination of the strange and generally pre-pubescent creature who plays FFXI. The conclusions I came to were startling to say the least, and yet sheer unconventionality of said proven results should not sway me from revealing the true nature of these odd and insular children.

First, allow me to explain my thesis. I determined to find out precisely why a certain segment of the MMORPG playing population was drawn to what amounted to playing with dolls adorned with cut-out clothes while naked. My discovery of the child-like attention span of players and their fixation with simple and easily finished quests led me to conclude that there are online games which appealed to more mature or grown up players (of which FFXIers do not seem to be a part) and the more, shall we say, basic and childish games, of which FFXI holds a major role.

Initially, I was tempted to come to the immediate conclusion that FFXI was just an online varient of something like Legoland where little tykes would find pleasure in running aimlessly around and finding great satisfaction in doing the simplest of tasks. Yet upon further study it became readily apparent that there was more to your conventional FFXIer than meets the eye.

I undertook the thankless job of immersing myself in the sordid world of Moogle@#%^ing. Immediately upon opening an account (something which felt akin to prostituting myself) and creating a character, I was beset with tells asking me my A/S/L and asking me for cybersex. Most distressing was the prevalence of horny males asking me to portray myself as a pre-menstraiting female of an undetermined species. I subsequently made a Moogle toon which transformed me into what appeared as a marshmellow with wings. Only I supposedly had a ******.

After a few minutes of staving off @#%^philatic suitors, I logged off and took a well deserved shower, wherein I scalded myself with near boiling water and rubbed my seemingly tainted skin with a Brillo pad. Yes, I felt that dirty.

I returned to the game raw and bleeding from my watery emotional cleansing and started afresh as a warrior of weird proportions. For a slight and seemingly unmuscled cartoon, I was wielding an enormous sword that must have weighed six or seven times what I did. But no matter. I began an exploration of this new world when all of a sudden my chat log is inundated with people begging me for something called "gil" or offering to sell me the same. Soon I was surrounded with these beggers to the point I was unable to see my prey, the level 1 random_bug. Any further questing was pointless since if I was unable to see or kill my little enemies, these buffoons were busy killing them before I could reach them.

I logged out again armed with enough information to conclude my research. I had plenty of empirical evidence that proved FFXI players were truly the underclass of MMORPGs. With the slimy undertones of men attemting to have sexual congress with young girls, the yammering gil sellers, and the whole sleazy atmosphere surrounding the game, it was quite obvious FFXIers are the dregs of gaming society.

In conclusion, I am thankful that most of these booger picking tards hardly have the acumen to type, much less debate their game's merits, lest we suffer unduely in the Asylum. The place is crawling with tards enough as it is without having yet another influx of XXY mongoloids like Hellboy and Eons coming over there and running rampant. Yes, it's better that you cretins stay here where you belong and we remain safely esconced in our small corner of the board zealously guarding our fiefdom from the ignorant rabble you serfs represent.

Oh, and Merry Christmas, turds.

Totem

Edited, Dec 1st 2006 4:03pm by Pikko

We <3 you, ABS.

Thank Bob they can't recognize subtlety or sardonic wit; you might as well have put a welcome mat out for them.

and a Merry Christmas to you sir.

Fixed, you @#%^ing n00b.

Edit: not here.

Edited, Dec 1st 2006 4:05pm by Pikko

Aren't you like 40 years old? Do you ever think about your life and then just start to cry?

I love posting in this forum. It always gets my jollies off to know that there are people out there that are too afraid or too self-righteous to respond, so they rate down instead, and in their twisted little minds, they're the "better man" for taking the high road.

Stop hiding in the shadows and come out and play, you nancies.

Its a waste calling them out this place is riddled with rate happy trolls and they'll never show themselves. Ever.